I have

Reached
new realizations watching a
black teared face awaken over
the blood soaked smoke ash
rubble of a tortured modern
world.
Cringed
at endless bombs and lifeless
mothers-fathers-sisters-brothers
teenaged-lovers, their foreign empty
eyes longing for answers to
fist clinched prayers.
Held
the hands of Midwest mothers clutching
star spangled fresh stitched covers on
glistening new coffins of smiling sons
asking for the same.
Stabbed
leaky bleeding meat with shark teethed
suited sons of Wall Street, starring into
sunken eyes left shell shocked slaves to
six figure salaries spent endlessly on
cars clothes and child support checks
all desperate for a gilded fix to
an empty pitted soul.
Slouched
in sedated churches listening
to empty words pass unflinching
over ghostly glossy eyes fighting sleep
under the overwhelming scent of
lacquered wood wafting out
magnificent stain glass windows to true
beauty in budding flowers and fragile
cherry trees, lonely for children.

Cursed politicians
Spit at police
Saluted soldiers
Blasphemed priests
Doubted judges
with the hopes of progress.

Watched
the knot-tied minds of my jaded
generation desperate for an Rx fix
from ivory towered white coat cartels
scratching at the doorframe with
no thoughts of art.
Cried
At withered faces scratched bloody
from narcotic fingernails in violent fits
for a homemade crystal fix;
grey-white ghosts of the Confederacy
armed with Styrofoam sabers
pleading for spare change
in shit stained jeans and their
decedent slaves of skeleton women
screaming in imaginary shackles
of street born madness.
Witnessed
fairy tale women with gently
comforting curves and sweet smelling
hair draped over soul lifting eyes of
blue-green-black thrown to the
bathroom floor purging phantom
flaws and leaving living ghosts of heart
wrenching beauty.
Conquered
armies of drowning amber pints in torn
red leather stools shooting endless
games of pool heart-hands-head
squeezing with the turn of meaningless
cards surrounded by a friendly chorus
of lonely lushes awash in short lived
seas of forgotten misery in endless taps
and dirty ashtrays.

Bought rounds
Split dimes
Passed pills
Offered smokes
Dropped spare quarters
in misguided charity.

Driven
half drunk and full crazy
through a red blue light amazing
full flag waving bright lined lanes
of breathless open roads in foolish
pursuit of long dead Gonzo dreams.
Bought
drugs from ghetto hubs
far away from white right pubs
sitting paled faced sweating seething
on crumbled concrete corners
praying for another bag of
chemical dreams.
Known
the bath houses and their inhuman light
stripping love’s great mistress in the
dirty night and bounding her to the slick
walled cage of a perverted zoo.
Slept walked
through yellow afternoons in unfeeling
waiting rooms with teaspoon measured
nervous footsteps, ripping through
expired magazines rocked by unbridled
madness creeping slowly up the spine.
Spent
ambient early morning hours
desperate for sleep hanging on calls
of waking birds brain racked rotten
by delusions of grandeur and jolted
from mangled sweaty sheets by
visions of white death.

Stumbled
Lied
Cheated
Pined
Embraced a crazy mind
All for art.

Heard
the rising sting of piano players
strings, guitar’s guttural grit,
the tippa-rap-pap of drum skins
and a solemn bass thump, swim
in soothing science through the
air bringing baptismal waters and
hell wrought fire to the ears.
Escaped
to overcast afternoons in faded folded
seats of empty theatres soothed by
magnificent images dancing across
screens of shinning silver, lost in
wonderful worlds of simple light and
sound and left terrified by the sun
outside.
Watched
awe struck flocks of autumn birds
fly in painted unison on gentle wings,
flapping in rhythmic time swooping
over city parks in blue dust new born
mornings diving over iron
benched beds of lifeless bums.
Pulled
into splattered pain pools of Pollock,
hypnotic dreams of Rothko, Hopper’s
midnight solitude, and the violent
cutting colors of Van Gogh’s madness.

Touched German Countryside
Breathed Swiss mountaintops
Smelt French Cathedrals
Climbed Carolina Lighthouses
Practiced happy photographs
in peaceful isolation.

There is no wisdom in the young,
Their gentle lives have just begun.

Felt
the ice embrace of desolation on silent
nights and wept, despite myself,
beckoning for the moon.
Cowered
in the cold cloud of suicide,
afraid, in crowed angry bars
praying for a red haired savior
Walked
halls of haunted hospitals forced to
glance on Hades’ withered mask caring
heartless monitors and bloody tubes
over clean white floors reflecting
lifeless light and soul screaming faces
pushing through chessboard tile.
Carried
coffins in tear soaked afternoons
to the inhuman precision,
of empty graves.
Dared
to ask the question why and been met
only with laughter.

Fought friends
Forgotten family
Failed women
Burned bridges
Lost chances
in selfish youth.

I am twenty four,
two decades and more,
wandering lost in allies
of broken dreams hands
fumbling with the keys
to future memories.